Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
