Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
