Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
