my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
