I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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