You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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