My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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