upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
