It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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