before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
