So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize