pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
