Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
