One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize