seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
