So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are all done wearing pants today
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
