Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
