we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
