i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
