My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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