My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
