you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
