you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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