Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
