i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
