he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
