I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
