I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
