I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
