Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
