The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
