the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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