did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
