haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
