the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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