Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize