If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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