Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
