I heard we made out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
