My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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