THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
