i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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