Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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