The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
