I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
