no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
