just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
