The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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