Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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