Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
