dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize