I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
