I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
