she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
