how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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