with your own penis?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
