I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
