He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
