He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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