My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
