Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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